I've been negligent...

neg·li·gence (noun \ˈne-gli-jən(t)s\) : failure to exercise the care that a reasonably prudent person would exercise in like circumstances 

 

I have been negligent lately.  To my blog, to my writing, to my book promoting, and mostly to myself.  This business of self-publishing takes a lot of effort and mixed with the general daily adventures of being a mom/girlfriend/daughter/sister/aunt/friend/home-owner/employee...well it takes a lot out of a person.  Usually by the end of the day, after being busy trying to be/do the best for everyone else, I realize the one person I forgot was myself.

 

Now I will say, first and foremost, that in no way am I having a 'woe is me' moment.  This is simply me saying I got a lot on my plate - me and portion control need to become better friends (figuratively AND literally).  Sometimes I do my best thinking when I can write it out.  So that is what this is, writing out my thoughts to sort through the myriad of 'to-do' to find the balance.

 

So, HOW, you ask have I been negligent?  Ironically, others would see that I'm 'doing my best', 'being to hard on myself', etc.  But I have failed to exercise consideration in an effort to 'get by'.

I will say some of the neglect of my writing efforts (this blog included) in the last month have been due to the health issues of loved ones - and now myself.  My family will always come first and having to literally drop everything to be there for someone isn't even a thought for me. I won't go into the details of others health concerns, but making sure they know I am there for them has made me stop being there for other things.  And I don't regret a single moment, or any of the moments to come in the following months as they battle through their illnesses and disabilities.

As I mentioned, all this concern for other people and things (work, home, writing) have led to a major neglect of myself.  I finally heard my body screaming at me last month as it started to protest. Over the course of the last ten years it's made it's discontent known - anxiety attacks, hives, eye twitches, insomnia, weight gain/loss, insulin resistance, etc.  All in an effort to get me to stop stressing, chill out, slow down, and take a breath.  

Starting Wednesday, I have no choice but to do that for at least 5 days as I undergo surgery and recoup at home.  But even then, the Amy that can't just sit still is already chomping at the bit for when can I go back to work.  Now, it's only gall bladder surgery and barring no issues I've been told it's not that bad.  It's the laying around afterward I don't look forward to.

I have a feeling my DVR (at only 35% available capacity) will get a good cleanse, and hopefully some of the stories that have been forming in my head can find a home on some paper, then there is the digital stack of books in my Kindle (not to mention my actual bookshelves) that I would like to tackle.  All these things add to that 'to-do' list that never seems to stop growing.

One thing that has become abundantly clear lately is that I need to make a change.  Not something small either, not a resolution to forget about in a few weeks, but a drastic change and complete shift in the way my life is headed.

What brought about this urgency?  Well, hearing someone say I may have cancer definitely helped!  I don't have cancer, subsequent testing shows that except for the gall bladder, I am in reasonable health.  But I'm thinking if I continue to turn a blind eye to my ever increasing waistline that I will most definitely be heading for trouble.

I forget how good I feel, how good it is for my body, to give myself time to move.  Little known fact about me - when I am home alone, I LOVE turning on the radio and dancing.  Now, I will NOT dance in public readily, but close the doors, put on something with a good beat and it's Flashdance - Amy Style. I'm a maniac, I know! Having that time to forget about the 'stuff' and just let loose actually allows me to get clarity when I return to that never ending list.  It gives me perspective. I need to dance more!

So, I can hear you asking "what will you do?" Well, the short-term answer is 'deal with it', but the long-term answer is that life is going to be different.  For awhile now I have at least been clear on the life I want, the daily schedule and how I envision things.  But I have neglected to see what needs to be done today to get me to that tomorrow.

Things to do today are - 

1) take 5 minutes to just stare out at the world around me and see 'the bigger picture' as compared to the stress of the moment

2) pick small goals to help me feel as if I am really achieving something (even if as I achieve one thing I add another to the pile)

3) remember to smile and be grateful for this day. We never really know when our time is up.  It could be in a few months, years, decades, or I could fall going down the stairs in ten minutes and break my neck (just so I don't jinx myself I've now avoiding stairs for the rest of the day)

4) let the ones I love know what they mean to me. Sometimes people may think I don't care, that I seem aloof, but honestly I do care - a lot.  Sometimes that is part of my problem, worrying about everyone else.

5) read something inspiring, something that brings life into a new perspective.  Check out this great blog I found.  This adorable little girl is dealing with more in her first 5 months than I have in years.  It reminds me of a saying my Pappaw Miller used to say ' as bad as you think things are, someone is dealing with something worse.'  yet this family doesn't let that get them down, they embrace each day to its fullest - now THAT is inspiring!  Go Team Avery!!

I guess at the end of another long-winded post, what I'm trying to say is I realize that I need to stop sweating the small stuff.  I need to see the accomplishments I have every day and not get distracted by the mountains around me.  One day, very soon if I have my way, life will regain a sense of balance.  

 

That balance starts with me getting myself right, back on track, and staying strong and firm on the path ahead.  Being wishy-washy, caving in, and letting others sway me only throws me off course.

So I'm going to get off here, cross some things off my 'to-do' (groceries, laundry, cleaning, writing, deleting another movie off the DVR), and find a few moments to enjoy this amazingly chaotic, hectic, frighteningly blissful journey called LIFE.

Happy traveling my friends, until we meet again - hopefully some time next week after the narcotics have worn off and I'm feeling better.

Time to make a spark!

Today is the first day of working on the next book.  I'll be returning to sunny San Diego with the second release from the California Dreamin' series.  This time we will be following the Latin Lothario - police officer Trent Torres.  I introduced his leading lady at the very end of Finding Home.  For those who read that book, she's the mystery woman at the end who got Avery's bridal bouquet.  And NO, that woman is not the psycho Suzette - several readers thought maybe it was, but I promise she is gone. 

So what is this new book going to be about...

 PLAYING WITH FIRE* follows the intertwining paths of Noelle Dupre and Trent Torres.  Noelle is on the run from the abusive ex-boyfriend she left behind in Arkansas.  She's got a personality to match her fiery red hair and though on the outside she seems like a bit of a tomboy, underneath that exterior is a passionate woman yearning to be released.  Life has never been easy for her, but Noelle is fighting mad and isn't about to let anyone stop her from finding the peacefulness she craves.

Enter Officer Trent.  Trent has been a ladies' man for the better part of his life and settling down always seemed too constricting to him.  But that was before his best friend, Damien, got married and Trent felt maybe he was missing out on something after all.  He comes from a large Hispanic family, that at times can be overbearing, but they mean well, even if they try to set him up at every opportunity.

Trent has seen Noelle before - on the day of his best friend's wedding.  That flaming hair and creamy skin somehow stuck with him, so when a breaking and entering call puts her as the lead suspect, he struggles with doing his duty and letting her get away.

Noelle doesn't like cops, where she comes from they're corrupt and never did anything to stop her ex's violence toward her, of course it didn't help his father was the sheriff and just as abusive.  But when Noelle meets Trent, it isn't his ability to uphold the law that she doesn't trust, it's the pounding in her heart and the thoughts running through her head that make her back away. 

Noelle doesn't have a choice to stay away from Officer Torres too long when her ex shows up with revenge on his mind.   Trent isn’t about to let someone hurt any woman, let alone one so full of life.   He’s got to show Noelle that he’s willing to give his life to protect her, as long as she’ll give him forever.

 I'm really looking forward to writing this book.  I love a woman with gumption and Noelle definitely has that feisty spirit.  I also love the family dynamic for Trent and I can tell you that at some point, a few of his family members will have their own romances in a new series that will be coming in the Fall of 2013.  The great thing about writing is every new book breeds other concepts and keeps my dream alive.

 If you are interested in reading the first book of the California Dreamin' series, you can get your copy of FINDING
HOME at AMAZON or SMASHWORDS. 

Also, don't forget to get my newest novel, Taking Chances, from the Small Town Series.  This is the first book in a series of three with the next book expected to be released in September 2012.  Taking Chances is on AMAZON and SMASHWORDS as well.

*Playing With Fire is the working title for this second California Dreamin' book and is subject to change, but so far I like it!

Picture worth a thousand...

I guess I was a little too confident in my first book cover for Finding Home.  I thought it relayed the laid-back, peaceful feel of what the main character was going for, but I have learned that it leaves many not really reaching for the book.  some see the cover and think 'christian romance' which, though my characters are spiritual, this is definitely not for those who blush at initmate moments.  So I decided to repackage and see how it goes.

Why, you may ask - because the cover for Taking Chances draws the readers attention in.  How do I know this? Because in the 5 days it has now been on sale (on Amazon and Smashwords), it has sold more copies than Finding Home did in it's first 5 MONTHS!!  So this really is a no-brainer.

Tomorrow starts the sales blitz with the Sand Creek Craft Show.  Last Fall I did well and I expect to sell out this weekend, luckily I have extra stock coming just in time for the Blissfield Craft Show next weekend.  And I know I will sell out there too.  No, it's not that I am over confident, I know I will do good because I know the women of my comminuty will want to read a book based in their town!

And there is no rest for awhile considering I am aiming to release another 2 books before September 15, 2012.  That will mean I released 4 books in my first year, it's quite the goal, but I know I can do it. 

I hope if you order Taking Chances that you enjoy the book!  It was a bittersweet book to write for me, but I am proud of how it turned out.

Now I'm back to reality in my 'normal' job, always working toward the dream of writing full time.  Full STEAM ahead!!

Just a Hint...

I've been talking about it long enough and FINALLY the day has arrived for the sneak peek of TAKING CHANCES!!!

Enjoy this preview into what is in store for Dane and Myra.  Taking Chances is about what happens when the one who got away wants you back!  

Dane Gunther walked away from Myra four years ago.  She was a single mom with a son and being together meant taking her away from her family to follow his career 2,000 miles away.  Back then he didn't think it was fair to take them away from everyone they knew and he wasn't sure he had what it took to me the man they needed.

Myra Patterson was devastated when Dane left without the decency of a reason.  She's moved on with life and has been able to push him into the 'friend zone'.  That's easier said than done when suddenly he isn't just an old friend online.  When the real thing is in front of her, buried feelings come screaming back.  Falling for Dane isn't an option, she knows it will only lead to heartbreak when he leaves again.  But his charm and the ways he ignites old feelings makes it harder to resist.

Dane has to win Myra back even if it's the last thing he does. While trying to help with the family business and deal with a strained relationship with his mother, Dane's real focus is proving to Myra he is the man she needs.  

But even if he gets his chance, will Moira believe in him long enough to open her heart again?

TAKING CHANCES is the first book in the SMALL TOWN series.   Meet this group of small town women who love men with big ... hearts! 

Click HERE to get your preview to TAKING CHANCES.  Now availlable on Amazon and Smashwords for the eReader and in paperback!!!

My first Vlog!!

Check it out and see what's in store in the next few days!!!

Final Countdown

It's crunch time!! The editor has been selected, the photographer is looking for models for the cover art, and I am frantically putting the finishing touches on the draft of Taking Chances (working title).  It's almost go time!

I'm switching, changing, and molding this jumble of words into another full-length romance.  With an estimated 85,000 I have alot more tweaking to do, but I can tell you it's coming together nicely.

AND

Your SNEAK PEAK at the first chapter is just days away!  Hopefully the cover art will be ready to put out by next weekend, but I promise you will definitely get to preview it before the offical release!

Also, stay tuned to find out how you can WIN A FREE COPY!!! Right now though, I need your help.  I've been debating on a title change and I have a few ideas.  Click HERE to take my poll on Facebook.

I'm so excited to get this book out finally and see your reactions to it.  I hope you like it!!

Just a reminder of what Taking Chances is about, here's the back cover blurp:

What happens when the one who got away wants you back!  Dane walked away from Myra four years ago.  She was a single mom with a son and being together meant taking her away from her family to follow his career 2,000 miles away.  Back then he didn't think it was fair to take them away from everyone they knew.

Myra Patterson was devastated when Dane left without the decency of a reason.  She's moved on with life and has been able to push him into the 'friend zone'.  That's easier said than done when suddenly he isn't just an old friend online.  When the real thing is in front of her, buried feelings come screaming back.  Falling for Dane isn't an option, she knows it will only lead to heartbreak when he leaves again.  But his charm and the ways he ignites old feelings makes it harder to resist.

Dane has to win Myra back even if it's the last thing he does. And even if he gets his chance, will Myra believe in him long enough to open her heart again?

TAKING CHANCES is the first book in the SMALL TOWN series.   Meet this group of small town women who love men with big ... hearts! 

Enlarge your house with glue

I know - totally random post title.  Actually it's the auto generated line I was given to see about getting paid for blogging. 

I've never been secretive about my desire to work from home as a full-time writer.  Truthfully, it is how I hoped I would be bringing in 2012, but the fates still have me sitting behind my desk in an industrial/technology park in Corporate America.  Sucks, I know.

However, whether I blog or write my romances or create my poetry, at some point it will be my full time vocation.  There comes a time when you realize where you are is so far from where you (and your heart) want to be.  I've been in this purgatory state for awhile now.  In fact, it's gotten worse with the release of FINDING HOME.   I feel like that horse chomping at the bit and ready to bust from the gates to GET THE RACE STARTED ALREADY!!! I want to run...far away from the long commute and political corporate BS. 

Patience is not my virtue, I think I've mentioned it before and it's true.  This can be verifies by my friends and family.  Hell someone who's known me for ten minutes could know this. Never am I sitting totally still, I'm always in motion.  Mediating is a killer for me, but I’m trying to be Zen and one with it all. 

I may look like I'm just sitting here, but my fingers are flying on the keyboard, my mind is ten steps ahead of me in the post and there is another part of my brain thinking about how bad I want to go home and get back to work on the next book.  Behind this pretty face (its ok, I'm coughing and smirking sarcastically too), well behind this darling face is a whole world of possibilities.  Untapped, underutilized, resources wait to get picked up and run with. 

I am laughing to myself right now.  This is how I know I am a writer and that I have things to say.  This was to be a short blog on "Enlarge your house with glue" and now I've written about my unseen wheels turning and being a horse - or jackass given the day or circumstance. 

 

So go ahead - Enlarge your house with glue.  Enlarge your mind with possibilities, enlarge your heart with love for the people and things that accept you and represent the best part of you.  Enlarge your stomachs...no seriously - it's almost lunch and I'm hungry and this health grapefruit and peach doesn't look or sound as yummy as a Jimmy John's sandwich and thinny chips!  

Narking out

Yep, you read that right.  I'm narking out...narking myself out that is.  Some people think I'm too open with my feelings, with my experiences, that I say or give too much info on myself.  I think this is a good thing as, I think, it helps others know they aren't the only one out their that has had to face this situation or overcome that obstacle.  I also think it's what helps me as a writer.  Since my main heroines have a bit of me in them, they come across as more relate-able.  Avery, from FINDING HOME, was more me than I realized.  Her hidden thoughts, ability to create a metaphor in the most normal scene, those are me.  

Anyway, back to this "I'm so open" train of thought.  Turns out the one person I need to be open with, myself, I'm not.  Nope, not even close.  I've lied to myself, been disillusioned and dishearten, all because the truths have been too painful to face. And this lying to myself has inadvertently made me lie to my readers. My reasoning for not having the next book out, though they sounded good to me at the time, were stalling tactics, lies to put off finishing the book and facing the inevitable truth.

The truth is, my next release (formerly called TAKING CHANCES, but now in the midst of a title change), well it's a sad way for a broken heart to get what it wanted so long ago.  This story is based on a real relationship I went through, but in my story when he picked the other woman he stayed with her.  This was my way, even fictitiously, to get the happily ever after I thought I could have with someone.  But in reading what I've written so far, all it has done is bring up memories of what will never be.  

And that is okay.  Finally.  The veil has been lifted, the illusion is over.  The reality is, I am still friends with this man.  We still IM or text occasionally, we still flirt and there is was a part of me that thought "who knows how our love story will end?"

But I know.  It ends with us married - to other people, it ends with me not putting him on such a pedistal or meassuring every man to the spontaneous, carefree 24 year old man he was.  I think the thing I loved (and I did love him in a rose-colored way), what I loved most about him was how he made me feel about ME!  He came at a time in my life when I was going through my first divorce.  I was 24yrs old and felt 50.  I was so bogged down in surviving and rebuilding a life for myself and my son, that I forgot to live and enjoy life.  He helped me do that, and I am grateful.  The brief 6 weeks we dated changed my life and have stayed with me for the last 9 years.  

In reality, I am not 24 years old, in fact I am 9 days away from turning 34! And my friend, for I do believe we can be friends, well he is married and is all about being the best daddy he can to his child.  He is still carefree, at least when we talk he seems to be, but it's no longer what I want.  Because sometimes carefree and responsible and a solid foundation don't mix. And it's why we didn't work out.


At least in fiction I can make it possible.  And that is why it's taken so long to get this book finished.  It is coming to terms with the 'what ifs", "why nots", and "never gonna happens".  At the end of the day, I am the one who has to remember and embrace the youthfulness in me, not put that burden on someone else to bring it out of me.  


I guess this way-too-long post is me being honest with myself once and for all.  He made his choice and I'm in a better place because of it.  Because I also made my choice to live life in the present and not in the past.  Now, I understand writing a book based on the past seems like an oxymoron, but I'm using that energy and those feelings from back then to create a story - a fictitious romance where the couple live happily ever after, as part of my present and future as a writer.

And maybe to a certain extent it is why I write romance.  Because in the end I am able to create a romance where the couple is happy with their soul mate.  Anyone who knows me knows romance with the right man has not been my strong suit.  But in a way I think it is working out.  For each failed attempt at forever I learn more about me, more about my spirit.  And each time I hear more and more of what my soul is looking for. 

Or it could be that I've been sick for three days and last night's peach maragrita's haven't worn off yet ... lol

Okay, I'm serious when I say this now ... back to writing!!  Because in the end, that is what really speaks to my soul.  I've been breaking the cardinal writing rule for awhile now (write - write every day).  But today is a new day and it's just close enough to my newest year for me to say that in the 34th year of my life, I did more writing and creating of the life (and love) that I want for myself.  


Now, enough of the nostalgic blathering and onto better things...like hopefully a best seller!