Evolution of Romance

Lets go back in time...back to when I was in the 7th grade and it was a Friday night.  There was a dance after that evening's football game and I was dateless.  So while the sounds of the announcers blared over the speakers on that cool fall night, I was sitting on a swing on the playground nearby with two suitors before me.

Guy 1 and Guy 2 were buddies of mine and had been for years.  I was just beginning to realize the perks of feminine charm (no pun intended even though those perks came courtesy of my ever growing chest). Anyway, I decided I would let one of them take me to the dance.  Whomever brought me back a gift first got to spend their money to buy my $2 ticket into the dance.  (yes I was a cheap ass who even then!)

It was no more than 20 minutes later when Guy 1 can back with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.  They still had dirt hanging on the roots where he had torn them out of a flowerbed.  It wasn't until a long time later I found out he took them from another friend's house....sorry Melinda for that!  Anyway, Guy 2 soon followed with some candy from the convenient store he'd walked to over a mile and a half round trip (which was way far for a 7th grader). In the end the lucky guy was #1 for the simple fact that he moved faster.  Isn't that always the case.  The one that moves fastest gets the prize.

Fast forward twenty years and I can tell you that moving fast isn't always best.  Not by a long shot.  See, in these last twenty years I have had a crush on nearly every boy in my class or high school (not saying much since my graduating class was 23, but still).  I've been married and divorced twice, thought the fastest way to learn someone's true intentions was to give them what they want and see if they stick around.... but in the end, moving fast is like TNT....once it ignites, the bang is loud and bright, and all you are left with is a pile of broken pieces and ash.

The thing I'm learning now is that real romance is in the woo-ing, in the open dialogue, and not hiding behind walls or illusions or worse ... sex.  Maybe my approach all that long ago was twisted, but there was some truth into letting those boys fight for my hand.  Because it is worth fighting for, worth waiting for....my hand, my smile, my hips, my hugs, my boobs, and other bits.  But mostly my love and affection.  It's worth me taking down the wall I've built around me.

In the process of writing about women finding real love (even if it's fictional), I am learning what that really means.  I married my first husband because I thought that is what I was supposed to do as a small town girl.  He was my college sweetheart and I thought that was what life was .... marry that sweetheart and have babies and cope with life as it came.  We were young and both made very ignorant choices at times.  It was for the best when I left, knowing what I had was not that special kind of love that made a marriage last - not like what my grandparents had.

Husband #2 came along a few years later, after a few short term, and one longer, relationships.  #2 was charming, sociable, and financially stable. He was self-assured and had a higher standard than I'd previously been with.  I loved it, I felt I was finally living up to my potential.  We weren't rich by any means, but it was nice to not have to worry which bill I'd have to pay late that month. It wasn't until well after he walked out that I realized he was playing a part in the 'perfect family'.  Lesson learned - perfect doesn't exist.

Fast forward to another 3 years and I am single again, having ended a two year relationship.  In hindsight, I wish I wouldn't have rushed into it just as I have so many of the others that crashed and burned.  Not that my ex is a bad guy, we just seemed to be walking on paths that were gradually moving away from each other.

So while I kept looking over as we drifted apart, and wondered why I didn't move forward, I came to see just how much love and romance have evolved in my life.  From clapping my hands and arrogantly demanding a man to 'entertain me' to realizing that maybe the best things really are slow and steady and worth not rushing headlong into.

Don't get me wrong, fire and passion are what makes me write and I LOVE it!  But I'm also realizing that a strong, steady fire is much more gratifying than a Ka-Boom kind of love - maybe lust is a better word here.  Maybe, just maybe, this romance writer really is clueless about what it takes to make it work in real life.  Like they say 'those that can't do, teach'....or in this case 'write'.

While some of us modern women long for the kind of relationships that the feminists would scream about, love and lust will evolve even more.  Don't get me wrong - I am an independent woman who rules her roost, I've worn the pants in most of my relationships (which isn't a good thing at all).  It would be nice to find a partner to lean on, to work WITH, who really is working toward the same 'thing' I am.

It would be nice to be that 'Leave-it-to-Beaver' kind of wife who takes care of the house and my son, and then have the passion of the sexiest, steamiest novels around.  The balance of good girl/bad girl, of saint and sinner.  It's that dichotomy that gets me stuck every time.  Wanting, being, having it all.

At the end of the day, I want a love like my grandparents.  A love based on deep friendship, understanding, acceptance, and commitment.  Is there more for me to learn about love? Absolutely.  Do I think my writing will not only help me figure it out but guide other romantics-at-heart?  Yep.

When everything is said and done I think that evolving romance is an ever-changing realm of possibilities.  Whether it's fresh cut roses, candlelight, candy, a look, a touch, a kiss, a good conversation...or flowers that still have their dirty roots. We are worth the effort, the wait, the steady fire, and the unconditional love that doesn't just have to exist on paper.

I hope as this year unfolds more that you will follow your hearts, as I will be following mine wherever it leads. 

Healing Hiatus

I'm back!  Well, almost back.  Better than I was.  At least my notepad is sitting next to my laptop now and not in my purse or the car.  Those words that need to be typed keep staring back at me, silently urging me to use them, mold them to my every whim.  I like it!

It feels good to be in this mental space again, where possibilities are endless and there is nothing in the way of living my dreams again. I have a lot of different things/events/people to thank for this shift, but above all it was the never ending belief that God's gonna work it out (always goes back to my Mamaw's mantra).  And he has, and will continue to do so.  As long as I remember to let go and just enjoy this ride of life.

I've been in a country music state of mind lately ... okay so I'm a country girl at heart, but lately there have been some really great songs out that have helped me realize there are really great men out there, that they aren't just in my imagination or on the pages of the stories I write.  

Here are a few examples of the songs I am loving in this moment:

• "Wanted" by Hunter Hayes.  Now that boy's Momma done raised him right.  That is how more men should be....let the youngin' show you that.
• "Hey Pretty Girl" by Kip Moore.  Man, I liked this guy when he was singing something about a truck, but this song and his voice really bring me to tears.  Only if all of us could have a man call us 'pretty girl' and we feel it in our souls.
• "If I didn't have you" by Thompson Square.  Love this couple!  The video for this is a heart tugger.  They also had a song "Glass" that was out but didn't do as well as I thought it should have on the charts - listen to them both!  Buy their records!  Their newest just came out Tuesday.
• "Never Stop" by SafetySuit....ok so this isn't country, but the acoustic version of this is just beautiful.  Even the rock version is great.  YES PLEASE!!!

Music really does help heal the soul and during this last 7 weeks of being MIA, it really has helped me see that if someone thought to say these words, that there is someone out there not only saying, but also doing, proving, living these words.  That's a powerful motivator to get off my ass and put myself back out there.

This hiatus has been good, but it's time to really get back to being Amy.  The writer, the sassy pants, the most awesome version of me I can be. God's got something up his sleeve, I can feel it.  So while the magic unfolds I'm going to keep listening to my music, keep believing in the possibilities, and keep living life in a way that when that 'significant other' shows (if he hasn't already) that I will be ready to go forward without walls or baggage to hold me back.

So for you single ladies (and men) out there, don't ever throw in the love towel.  At this point, we are all battle scarred and weary, I mean really, at least half of all of us who've gotten married are now divorced (or divorced multiple times - don't judge!).  But hey, look at it this way, at some point we are bound to be on the positive side of that statistic...it's finding that right partner, the best friend, the one who knows all your likes/dislikes and flaws and loves you BECAUSE of them.  

For all you weathered broken-road warriors, I really recommend a healing hiatus...one part focusing on what YOU want, one part remembering to see the beauty in every day, one part of learning to laugh again, and a healthy dose of some good music to sooth your soul.  

That last statement makes me think of another fave song of mine so here are a few more randoms to throw your way:

• 'Drift Away" by Dobie Gray...yeah Uncle Kracker's version is alright, but nothing really soothes the soul like Dobie.
• "Gravity" by John Mayer.  This is a sexy song!  Hands down one of the sexiest songs I've ever heard, and I'm not a huge JM fan, but those guitar licks are heavenly.
• "Good Life" by OneRepublic...upbeat, positive, and it's really going to be a good life as long as you believe it will be and work toward it.  Plus Disney used it in an ad and I wanna go to FL now!

And last, but certainly not least, is MY song...we all have that song that is just pure us.  That strips us down to the core of who we are and who we want to be.  This song has helped remind me of myself, has helped me not build up walls, and just gives me that space to smile and know that even at my worse, I ain't that bad. 

Garth Brooks "She's Every Woman"

She's sun and rain, she's fire and ice
A little crazy but it's nice
And when she gets mad, you best leave her alone
'Cause she'll rage just like a river
Then she'll beg you to forgive her
She's every woman that I've ever known

She's so New York and then L.A.
And every town along the way
She's every place that I've never been
She's makin love on rainy nights
She's a stroll through Christmas lights
And she's everything I want to do again

It needs no explanation
'Cause it all makes perfect sense
For when it comes down to temptation
She's on both sides of the fence

No it needs no explanation
'Cause it all makes perfect sense
When it comes down to temptation
She's on both sides of the fence

She's anything but typical
She's so unpredictable
Oh but even at her worst it ain't that bad
She's as real as real can be
And she's every fantasy
Lord she's every lover that I've ever had
And she's every lover that I've never had

Behind the curtain...

I try very hard to keep my private life out of my professional writing life, the snippets I have given have been small and basic knowledge to anyone who really knows me.  Now in my private life, I've had to do the reverse and not bombard them with my professional writing life.  My family and friends are all supportive and pass along info via my FACEBOOK AUTHORS PAGE, but I stopped duplicating the info onto my private page.

I say this about private vs. professional because at the moment, private matters have kept me from writing like I really want.  First and foremost I will say I do not want to bash or name-call or talk down, in this situation it is what it is. 

For the last almost 2 1/2 years I have been in a relationship.  He moved in with me very shortly after we began dating and for the better part of the 2 1/2 years, we have begun to try and build a life together.  Just shy of a year in is when I became self-published.  I knew at that time my life would change course, I just didn't know how much.  I also didn't know how unsupportive my significant other would be about my endeavors.

It has been a constant struggle lately and I haven't been writing because I was made to feel guilty and neglectful by wanting to take time and write and live my passion.  So I stepped back for awhile ... and it didn't make a difference. 

Friday was my 35th birthday!  I spent it treating myself like I matter, pampering myself like I haven't in a long time.  It felt good, I felt more me.  It felt so good that when I got home I realized the relationship wasn't good for any of us.  Yesterday I asked my ex to leave.  Things got heated, parts of the night reminded me of several plots I have...kind of surreal.

But I am fine, my son is fine, and we are ready to move forward and find happiness again.  I don't mean romantic happiness either.  I mean happiness within myself, to feel good about who I am, what I do, and how I am with others.  I was called all kinds of names, but I'm willing to go through it if it means I am moving forward into a healthier more positive environment for myself and my son.  Never, EVER, let anyone make you feel less than what you are - embodied light and love!

So I'm going to be taking a few more days to sift through the past 2 1/2 years, box things up, and hope the ex goes peacefully.  Then, I am getting back to being happy.  I am excited to have more positivity in our home, I am looking forward to enjoying family and friend time and not have to be made to feel guilty, but mostly I am at peace with my decision to end things. 

With all this drama going on, obviously, the launch date for Down for the Count has been pushed back.  Fingers crossed that come mid-March I may have something to the editor, who knows, maybe all the free time I will have will get the book done sooner.  Either way, 2013 truly is about following my passion, living a healthy and positive life, and sharing my gifts and love with others.

There is a quote that helped me through 2 divorces, a lot of early life upheaval, and I know it will help me through this...."I am not where I want to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be."

Here is a poem I wrote once about getting over a lost love...seems fitting today, just in a different way.  I had hoped and dreamed for a lasting life with my ex, but I see now that isn't possible if we want to truly be happy.  Letting go was the right thing to do ... for both of us.

Sneak Peak at the cover for Down for the Count

Happy Friday Everyone!!

I've been a very busy girl behind the scenes!  My brain is always going and creating, sometimes I wish there was a shut off switch, but I'm learning how to close the flood gates to actually focus on one project at a time. 

Down for the Count is still in it's infancy with only the first few chapters written...and when i say written I mean it literally - as in hand written.  This weekend I will be typing those up pages and hopefully beefing them up some more.  I can tell you if there are any moms out there (especially of boys) you will definitely appreciate the highjinx in this book.

Down for the Count is the second book in my Small Town Series and follows the journey of Lily and Ty.  For those of you who have read Taking Chances - Small Town Series Book #1, you will remember them as best friends to Myra and Dane.  For those of you who haven't read Taking Chances yet, check it out on Amazon or Smashwords!

I love the Small Town Series because it is set in my town of Blissfield, Michigan.  For any of you who live in a small town where people know your name and business, are always there to offer advice or a cup of coffee, and let you know you are loved - well then you will totally love these ladies and gentleman in this series.

In Down for the Count, Lily has all but given up on dating and with twin 8-year-old boys, most suitors don't stick around for long.  But when her mischievous angels decide mom needs a man around for good they turn to their wrestling coach, Ty, to take on the job.

Ty has been in love with Lily from the night they met ten years ago, that also happened to be the night he lost a bet to his best friend Charlie who got the girl.  After Charlie's death in a car accident when the twins where toddlers, Ty has made sure to offer help where he can, but always what he really wants is more than he thinks he can ask for from Lily.

Will Ty be able to stop seeing Lily as his best friend'd girl?  And will Lily be able to see Ty as more than just a friend? Find out how these two get hit with a love TKO in Down for the Count, coming out Spring 2013!  

So without further ado, here is the cover for Down for the Count!!  Can't wait to get it out for your guys!

 

  

Putting in the work ...

 Last night I was watching yet another holiday rom-com from either Hallmark, ABC Family, or Lifetime...at this point in the year I've watched so many I forget what channels they were on...not that it matters.  Anyway, as I was watching Candace Cameron-Bure star in yet another romance, I thought about all those moments that aren't shown in the movies.  I thought about the heartache that happens when there are really misunderstandings, the dashed hopes in realizing "The One" may be yet another frog.

The movies have a way of making Happily Ever After seem so easy.  Even the romances I write do that.  I hope in my books I give some kind of insight into the emotions we have when we feel like the love of our life is slipping through our fingers.  Us humans have a warped way of pushing love away when what we really want most is to hold it close.  Fear has a way of doing that to us.

Fear does that in all aspects of life.  We think of all the goals we want to accomplish, all the checks to make on our bucket list, but far to often it seems I've let that fear get in the way, as I'm sure some of you have.  In my head, I know how to get from "A" to "Z", maybe not all the steps, but the general path.  So when the road gets rocky I freak and think something MUST be wrong here!  That's usually the time I let fear and doubt stop me in my tracks.

OR ... I've been known to have a goal and be conceited enough to think it's going to be a piece of cake to acheive, only to barely try and then wonder why I seem to be stuck yet again. Nothing ever happens as fast as I want it to!

My mom (Kris) and me this summer

Years ago when I was going through my first divorce and had moved into my mother's basement with my then 3 year old son, I would scour the internet for a job and wonder why I wasn't finding anything.  My mother finally said one day 'Amy, God isn't going to just drop a job in your lap if all you do is sit at home and wait for it."  She also said that months later about me finding a good man....that unless he was the pizza boy I wasn't going to have Prince Charming show up randomly at my door step.  If I wanted to find him, I had to get out and look.  And she was right ... about A LOT of things.


We can have the best of intentions with all of our goals and checklists, but unless we are truly willing to put in the work, roll up our sleeves, and get out 'there', we will never truly find what we are looking for.   I know - this isn't rocket science!  But sometimes I think some of us (me included) think just thinking positive thoughts and putting out the 'good energy' will bring it to us.  At least that is what all those SECRET books told us.

But it does take work. I know eating healthy and exercising will have a HUGE impact on my health, yet just thinking about the treadmill exhausts me.  I know my financial picture would look a lot better if only I cut up the credit cards for good and chip away at paying them off, but then there is some 'emergency' that sends me further into debt.  

And love - don't get me started on that.  I can tell you that writing these romances is cathartic for me in a lot of ways.  It is helping me see more clearly why I do the things I do, think, feel about things.  Real love takes work.  We aren't as luckily as Cinderella or Snow White who find their princes and live in that fairy tale bliss.  Love hurts, it sucks us dry at times, but in the end, finding that true, genuine love is worth it all.

My life has NEVER been easy and I don't know why I still hold out hope that things will magically fall into place and all will be right in the world.  There will always be another goal to reach, challenge to overcome, heartbreak to heal.  But I will face it all and put in the work.  Because I am worth it. And not only that, but in spite of the downers in life, I have far more to be grateful for ... and I am more than words can say.

So, 2013 is going to have a lot of work put into it.  I'm rolling up my sleeves, staring down that treadmill, and preparing to truly put in the work.  This time next year I hope to be writing about what an amazing year I had - with multiple book releases, more book signings, international travel, enjoying friends and family, treating myself as I truly deserve, and finding real love.  I can't wait to get started!

I hope all of you have a wonderful New Year and 2013.  I wish you all love and light and dreams coming true.  Here's to putting in the work and reaping the rewards!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

Quiet Time

 It's one of those nights again.  The animals are all sleeping, my son is upstairs in bed, and the only noise I hear besides the Christmas carols in my earbuds is the heater kicking on.  The Christmas tree is lit, the smell of apple cinnamon is hanging in the air from my oil burner, and I'm snuggled up in the chair with my leopard print fleece blanket.  Yep, it's one of those nights.

It's the kind of night I take a moment to breathe deep.  It's the kind of night where memories warm my heart, missing loved ones dampens my eyes, and looking ahead gives me hope.  Tis the season.

Having moments like these truly are rare for me.  My mind is always going, thinking, creating, dreaming.  Me and meditation don't get along, but I'm trying to get more than a moment of stillness in a day.  It is the light and dark of the creative mind ... constantly being inspired and expressing itself through thought, yet congesting itself with too many of those thoughts.  

Quiet moments like now allow me to clear some of that clutter.  Throughout my day, in my 'normal' job, I don't even have enough mental space to create clutter.  There is so much to do and remember, my desk literally is a revolving door as I sit at the front desk.  I have the distraction of the UPS guy (though I like that one), there is the distraction of the other courier services, vendors, visitors, co-workers.  Not to mention the constant humming of the printer/fax that is ten feet from me, or the ringing of the main line, or the chiming of an urgent email/IM, etc.

But I know this is life for most of us.  The constant go-go-go of things, the mutli-tasking of things, the need-a-list-to-focus of things.  So these still moments are golden.  Of course as you can tell with the fact that in this moment I am typing, obviously these moments truly are fleeting for me.

Even with all that, I hope we all take a little more time this holiday season to hold onto these moments.  I know as a mother, after the events of last week, I notice more my son's smiles, his jokes, his departing comments as I drop him off at school.  As a granddaughter facing her first Christmas without her last grandparent, I relish the memories of singing carols, hearing the story of the nativity, and making all kinds of candies in my Mamaw's kitchen.



It's in the moments of peace that we get peace.  When we can stop the outside world and find that calm within us, we can open our eyes again and go forward with more clarity, more focus, more love.

So while you are taking a few moments from your quiet time to read these words, I thank you.  I hope with every day, you are able to embrace more peace, more love, more laughter. I hope we can all remember that as dark and scary as this world may seem, as chaotic and ugly as our surroundings look, that there is love, kindness, compassion, and peace.  It starts from within and grows outward to those around us and those around them. 

Now before I turn this into a novel, I am going to log off and tune into the quiet around me just a little while longer.  I am going to take that deep breath and know there is peace on Earth - even if only for a moment and only in my little 'world' here in this chair with the leopard print fleece blanket and snoring animals.   

Good night from Riley the cat, Tigger the beast, and Bella the diva

*************************************************************************

And remember - all my ebooks are currently just 99 cents on Amazon, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, Sony, Apple, and a variety of other places....Smashwords is the best site to check as it has formats for all eReaders (except Kindle...you have to go through Amazon for those).

New Blogger Review!!!

Happy Headache Thursday....I say that because I woke up with such a bad headache that my head got inches from the pillow and that was enough for me to call in to work from home from my 'normal' job.  Praying it's a sinus thing, but the accompanying nausea is so not cool!!

Anyway,  awhile back I reached out to a few bloggers to review my latest novel - Playing with Fire.  One of those reviewers actually read that AND Finding Home for me and posted her review last night on her blog.

Here is the link to Intoxicated by Books blog post about the books .... go check it out!!

And remember - all my ebooks are currently just 99 cents on Amazon, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, Sony, Apple, and a variety of other places....Smashwords is the best site to check as it has formats for all eReaders (except Kindle...you have to go through Amazon for those).

Hope your day is bright and sunny and headache free! 

Getting in the Mood...

It's that time of year again to get in the mood for Christmas shopping.  By shopping I mean web browsing in the safety of my own home in my pjs, without the crushing throng of people that test my ability to not punch them in the throat.  I know, I'm terrible.  But at the end of the day, one of the things I HATE the most is large crowds...

Random realization - maybe that hatred is what keeps the fans at bay at the book signings, like the Universe knows I don't like it so it makes me not have to deal with it.... but THAT is a different kind of crowd.  The fans - you guys - are nice and polite and friendly.  Never would I even think about punching you!! lol

And please know, when I say I wanna punch people in the throat, its not really literally.  Though in my mind I kick ass and take names, in real life I am a total push-over - as in they push me over to get to the toy I was just about to buy! Hence my love for internet shopping.

I am behind the ball this year, I've been so busy trying to sell these books that every weekend instead of shopping I am hoping for shoppers.  I started my Christmas shopping yesterday, if you don't count the check I wrote my dude and told him get something he wants.  With him, it is MUCH easier that way - though he did still manage to look down his nose at the meager stipend he got.  Now that time - punching him in the throat did seem closer to likely than normal.  But his Adam's apple is safe ... for now.

Ugh ... I just realized I was wanting to write about getting in the mood for the season and to write about romance, but it seems deep down there is something in me that is in the mood to brawl!  Let's just say I'm feeling feisty and leave it at that, shall we?? lol

Anyway - back to this mood thing.  On the writing front I'm getting in the mood to kick these books into high gear.  All this time, I haven't really looked at the business of writing as a business.  I mean I know it is, but the rules and restrictions hater in me, well, hates that.  But it's a necessary part of it.  Would it be awesome to sit and write steamy sex all day - You Betcha!!!  But life can't be that fun - at least not yet....but I'm getting there.

So I've started this schedule for myself.  Tweets on Monday and Friday, blog updates on Tuesdays, Facebook posts on other days.  Really I tend to post funny things on Facebook whenever I see something that looks cute to share.  But I really need to get more going on Twitter and if I post here on a more regular basis than it's just another opportunity for me to use my writing as an outlet for whatever.  Case in point - this blah blog of randomness I got going on today.

All this is preparing for next year. The theme for 2013 for me is all about getting out of my comfort zone.  First up, getting a passport and traveling to the UK for some time with my bestie Stacy.  It's a girl time/research trip that I hope will give me some great ideas for a series I have coming in 2014 (always thinking ahead!)!!  In 2013 I'm also eying a few reader conventions (RT, Rom Com, Romance Novel, etc.).  And I'm looking to get book signings in actual book stores (not just craft shows for festivals).  I'm hoping to get out to other states (or countries if I can get a signing set up when I hop the pond).

So, yeah, 2013 is about getting out there.  Purposely putting myself into the crowd.  And don't worry, your throats are perfectly safe with me.  Because when I am selling books or talking romance and writing, I am in my element.  Everything is right in the world and my brain is focused on that and not going all Bruce Lee on your ass.

In addition to getting myself out there more, I am also setting a goal to release several books...easily 3, but pushing for 4!  And I'm debating on finding an agent to get me even more exposure.  Of course, there really is no greater exposure than FAN exposure.  You guys loving the books and letting friends know goes a VERY long way!  And it is greatly appreciated, I can assure you of that.

 

So besides getting in the mood for the holiday, and in the mood to write, or kick ass, it seems I'm always in the mood to be long winded.  For now I'll sign off and wish you all a great week and Happy Tuesday.

One final note - if you would like to see me at a particular convention or know of a reader focused event (especially romance), please feel free to message me.  I really do want to get myself out there not just to sell books but to meet fans and travel.  I forsee alot of flier miles next year!!

Okay - so one more thing . . . I know I said never, but I'll admit I was wrong!  Now through the holidays, all my ebooks are only 99 cents on Amazon and Smashwords!