Thursday, June 12, 2014

Back to Start

I feel like my writing journey is right back at the beginning....and maybe that isn't such a bad thing.

I will never forget the adventure and gusto involved with launching FINDING HOME.  I was so engrossed in getting this story out of my soul and onto the pages that it was effortless.  I craved the hours I could sit and dive into editing and molding the characters as the book evolved.  That two year journey seemed like days.  In the end it culminated with the hitting of the ENTER key and I really did 'enter' a new phase in my life.

I think the reason TAKING CHANCES also seemed so easy was that I began working on that as FINDING HOME was being shopped to traditional publishers, so that abundance of creative juices was still flowing. It helped that the book was vaguely based on fact as well!

Then came PLAYING WITH FIRE.  This one took a little more pushing. It was the first book in which the character wasn't so much of me.  It also had domestic violence and was darker than the others.  I mean they had their share of drama, but this one was more 'real'.

Now don't get me wrong, I love all my books - as if they were my children...and in a way they are.  I have nurtured and loved them from start to finish and beyond.  I talk about the characters as if they are my friends.  I envision what a backyard BBQ would really be like with Myra and Dane, or how cool it would be to go dolphin watching with Avery and Damien.  I know, I know...crazy.

But now, even with two separate books in the works (reminders HERE and HERE), I feel like I am starting all over again.  Some of it has to do with the timing of the last release and taking so long to get these new ones out, some of it has to do with the place I've been mentally for the last several months in my 'regular' life.  The Amy who released those first few books was focused on living her passion and bringing it to life...this Amy - well I'm just trying to make it through the day as if it's a game of dodge ball.  And I've been losing.

Well I felt like I was losing anyways.  But now I think life was just sorting things out that maybe I was ignoring or avoiding.  Some good things have happened and some bad things.  Some things have shaken my thoughts on what I want for myself and my family and some things have strengthened those thoughts.  I even considered that maybe writing wasn't for me ... but I know that isn't true.  Writing is one of my true joys...I'm getting back to following those joys.

So here I am, at the START line again.  Maybe this race has a little shorter track since I know far more now than I did four years ago when it comes to self-publishing.  Maybe my cheering section has changed as the true believers and fans have shown themselves as they support my vision.  And maybe, just maybe, once I get one foot in front of the other I will gain that much needed momentum to keep going and turn this into a long-distance marathon of creativity and passion.

I've missed my characters.  I've missed the way it feels to have my fingers fly over the keys as if they were giddy children dancing and playing their hearts out - and they are.  I miss that rush when a phrase or scene comes into my mind and I can't help but to write it out in amazement that something like that came out of lil ol' me.

I have stumbled and tumbled and scrapped my knees during the last few years, I have almost given in to the naysayers, but found the faith deep within me.  I know more than ever that I - Amy Michelle Miller-Sivil-Miller-O'Neill-TBD (hopefully Parker???) - AM A WRITER!  I know it with everything in me, even when the world says it's a silly dream or I'll never succeed enough to leave Corporate America and do this full time.  I know this to be true because of fans who ask me for advice, fans who go out of their way to make sure they come to my signings, and fans who share/LIKE/tweet my craziness out to the world.

I'm lacing up my shoes, stretching my legs and arms, and taking position.  I've kept myself back out of fear and doubt and I've reached a point where the pain of missing out on life has exceeded the fear of the unknown.  I want to wake up and create, I need to do it.  Not just for the fans - really they are the last on my reasons 'why' I need to do offense to any of you.... I NEED to write because I am a writer, I need to do it because it's in my soul and it's the gift I've been given to give to the world.  I need to let it out as much as I need to let out the next breath.

So I'm going to stop this rambling right here, exhale, and get back in the race.  I hope you are still there and I hope you will stick around to see how things unfold.

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