Tuesday, September 2, 2014

A New Season

A lot has gone on since the last post...seems to be the story of my life anymore.  It's one changing season after another.  This summer it's been rapid fire changes.

To begin, the relationship I was in has ended.  It was my decision and though he is hurt and upset, I know it was the right choice.  It shouldn't be so difficult all the time and that is how I felt.  I know challenges come up, but it really was a constant roller coaster and I was no longer willing to hang on for dear life.

Actually, it seems every area of my life is having a shake up right now.  Time with my son has changed, this relationship has ended, I may have to move, and some possibilities for employment have presented themselves that would take me in a new direction from the job I've been in for the last 7 years.

Because of some of the changes, I am finding there is more free time on my hands at the moment.  I've been reading more, enjoying just seeing words on a page.  One book that is really helping is Broken Open.  For anyone going through a season of change, I recommend this to you!  We all have struggles and things to work through, sometimes it seems like there is no way out or around, but you will get through it.  I see that, I've seen it my whole life, but it seems I keep forgetting that lesson since life continually brings it up to me.  I'm hoping I finally passed that test and can get onto something more pleasant!!

Another thing that is helping is shifting my focus from all the problems to all the possibilities.  Instead of waking every morning with a dread on what bills to pay or what obstacle to have to get through, now I decided every morning that no matter what, I will find the joy and happiness in everything.  My focus is embracing happiness and joy.  If it feels good, why can't I stay on the couch and watch chick flicks all day instead of sweeping the floors?  Will the world really end if I don't get everything done first before I enjoy something?  I realize the answer is no - the world goes on and really doesn't give a shit what I do or don't do with my time.

Today I have things to do - grocery shop, laundry, clean the house after being gone the long weekend - but even in those tasks I will find joy and happiness....maybe a sale, the smell of fresh laundry, the shine of the polished floors.  And the warm bubble bath that waits at the end of it all.

I wanted to rush back into writing, but my therapist (yes, I admit I have had to seek help to work through things), she says to not push myself and do nothing but enjoy the rest of the summer/fall.  If I feel like in that moment my joy is writing than I can, but I'm not forcing it.  I know it will come because writing truly is my joy.

A few things that have brought me joy in the last week - taking part in a massive water fight, listening to an awesome cover band, listening to a terrible cover band, eating great food, hugs from my nieces and nephew, watching a new show (Robot Chicken) and laughing until I cried, listening to new music (the Beatles) that I wouldn't normally listen to (country girl here).  Also, watching the stars on a clear night, listening to the rain on the roof, and snuggling up on the couch...nothing spectacular or anything, just simple and happy and smiling.

I like this new season and I hope it stays for a very long time.

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